You will always hear people talk about how being a mother changes you. I, however, believe a woman is reborn the moment she gets pregnant. Routines, thoughts, habits — all get rewired to make space for the little bean inside you. Imagine sharing your body and soul and being responsible for another human being. It is one of the most life-changing experiences for a woman. Now, imagine how sometimes things don’t work out as they should, and your baby bun says goodbye to you, even before meeting/seeing you. Shattering.
But, you know the one thing your little one leaves behind for you? Strength. Not just your ready-for-physio physical strength but emotional and mental strength that you never knew existed. And Aanam Chashmawala (digital creator and founder of Wearified) agrees. I recently had the opportunity to interview her, where she opened up about her miscarriage. You may know her as the founder of Wearified, where her launch products get sold out in a day, her very relatable fashion reels and no filter/no makeup selfies. This time around, however, she wants her story to be told hoping some woman might find solace in it.
Miscarriage is probably more common than you think it is. Most women go through it. There is enough information about it, awareness about it, and there are treatments — but sadly, there aren’t too many people who are willing to talk about it. Chashmawala believes that we should have more conversations around it. Why? So any woman who goes through it doesn’t have to feel alone like she did.
Here’s her story:
How did it all start? What were the symptoms?
“My pregnancy wasn’t going too well from the start. My HCG levels weren’t going up at the rate they should have, and the doctor had got me started on weekly injections for the same. Even the morning I miscarried, I was rushed to the hospital. They didn’t think I had fully miscarried; they called it a ‘threatened abortion’ and gave me a progesterone injection to help keep things sailing. It was a Sunday morning, and every pathology lab near my house was closed, and the doctor didn’t want me to travel, so she gave me the option to either check in to the hospital or go home and stay horizontal for the foreseeable future. I chose the latter and my hospital is at the end of the lane from where I live, so I knew I had them for backup (god forbid). The next morning, which was a Monday, I was scheduled for my sonography scan, and that’s when the doctor told me I had certainly miscarried already. The only difference in my body I felt from that specific painful, bleeding pee break at 5am on Sunday morning to that next morning was that my soreness of the breasts had reduced significantly. I had absolutely nothing else. I did have some spotting the night before, Saturday night, though, but I wouldn’t put that as a symptom per se because a lot of women are said to experience that in the first trimester, and apparently, it is normal to have some of that after your first (transvaginal) sono (which I had on friday morning, about 48 hours before I miscarried).
{Disclaimer: Every pregnancy, every symptom is different, and it’s individual to every woman, so always consult your doctor}.
It is hard to put into words, but if you can tell us a little about your emotional/mental state after the miscarriage happened?
“Everything happened so quickly that I had to process it just as quickly (at the time) to keep all the moving parts going. We don’t typically (at least the optimist I am) think these things will happen — we fear it, hear about it, and just hope it never happens to us. They’re never part of the way you imagine your life going is what, and yet somehow, you get through it with the strength you don’t even know you have. My main learning from this was just to trust the process.
Why do more people need to talk about it?
“I think it isn’t about awareness but the lack of sharing of these experiences. I discovered within three weeks of my miscarriage at least 30 women I know personally or men who told me about their girlfriends and wives who miscarried — stories I wish I knew because it would make women like me, couples like us, feel less alone. That inevitable feeling in your head that pops ‘it’s your fault’ would have felt a lot better if it had some more information on (a) how to deal with (b) if I knew just HOW common this was.”
What are some things you did to heal and recover from the mental and physical trauma?
“I just let myself be. I worked while lying on my bed because it is my happy space. I worked when I wanted to, listened to music, watched TV, and didn’t listen to any of the “do this and do that”. I allowed myself the time and space to do anything that made me feel better. I was in bed a lot, just lying down for about two weeks after, so I had many of my friends and family come over and visit me, which of course, really helped me.
I’ve been going to therapy on and off for about five years, so I decided to continue to have that safe space to process my feelings, accept, vent, heal, and move on from there. Moving on was a big one because I wanted to avoid getting stuck. Sharing was a big one for me; it helped me to get the love that I did, it helped me to hear the stories I did, and it also helped to get that part done and dusted. I remember telling my husband that this would be a part of my mission, so no woman ever feels alone in this very low phase of her life.”
Also Read: 14 Successful Indian Beauty Entrepreneurs Share Their Best Self Care Habits
Your biggest support system throughout all this and how it has helped you.
“My family. They’ve always been my biggest strength. My husband, mister amazing, who, without a doubt, has been the single reason I have been able to deal with it in the way that I have. Tragically, not enough people ask the men how they’re doing in this scenario. They haven’t been through anything physically but emotionally and mentally. They’ve lost a child as well. It was quite eye-opening to realise this over the weeks that followed the miscarriage.”
Anything you want to tell other women who have had the same experience.
“Trust the process. I know I am trusting mine. Your body knows what’s good for you and what isn’t. I believe in that very, very firmly.”
