I always thought I had a knack for connecting with people, which came naturally to me. Making friends, chatting, and meeting new faces were things I truly enjoyed. Things, however, changed after my tenth grade. I became more withdrawn and found stepping out of my comfort zone difficult. By the time high school ended, I had realised that being around people made me extremely anxious to the point where I couldn’t function properly. I didn’t quite understand what was happening until later when I learned it was social anxiety.
Spending most of my time at home, I often browsed through social media, using the internet as my escape. Skincare and makeup have always engaged me, and I noticed a gap in the Indian skincare community. That’s when I decided to create an Instagram page and give it a try.
HOW IT ALL STARTED
At first, my page was faceless. It mainly consisted of product photos, just my hands holding them against a plain white wall. That’s it. Gradually, I started experimenting with different angles and posting more visually appealing shots without showing my face. However, the digital world was challenging to navigate. The perfectly curated posts and images of flawless skin affected my mental well-being.
My audience began to show curiosity, wanting to know more about me. They were interested in what I looked like, my other interests besides skincare, and my occupation. That’s when I realised I had formed a small community for myself.
When I finally appeared on my Instagram story for the first time, I received many messages from people saying hello and complimenting my appearance. It made me feel safe, and although I’m unsure if it helped me open up more, it certainly had a positive impact. I started showing up more frequently in my stories, often without makeup, and people accepted me for who I was. It was a welcoming and non-judgmental space. Over time, I lost my fear of showing up on my page. What used to feel like a chore now comes naturally to me.
THE REAL STRUGGLE
I became online confident, however, I still struggled with a physical presence. As a beauty content creator, attending events was a part of my job. It involved going out, meeting new people, networking, and having a good time. But I couldn’t handle any of it. Although physically present, mentally, I had already checked out.
The world’s weight seemed to rest on my shoulders and chest, making breathing difficult. My heart raced, and my ears turned red, making it hard to hold conversations. My trembling hands couldn’t even hold a drink or an object properly. All I wanted was to escape from these situations as quickly as possible. This not only affected my personal life but also hindered my professional growth.
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The only thing that helped me was making friends. Despite my numerous walls and overactive, overthinking mind, I consider myself lucky to have met people who understood me. These connections played a significant role, especially when I was nominated for the ‘Cosmo Beauty Blogger Awards.’ Initially, I didn’t want to go because I was scared of being surrounded by strangers. My brain started working against me once again. It was only with the support of my family and friends that I mustered the courage to attend the award ceremony. Luckily, I had familiar faces there who kept me company and helped me stay sane. And you know what? I’m incredibly glad I went because not only did I attend, but I also won the award!
THE POWER OF BEING YOURSELF
I’ve come a long way in my battle with anxiety but the journey is not over. Social situations can still make me nervous, but now I face them with resilience and self-assurance. The connections I’ve made through my Instagram page have become my support system, reminding me that I’m not alone.
My Instagram page has become a place where I find solace, grow, and feel empowered in a world that often revolves around appearances and social interactions. From hiding my face to proudly displaying my true self, I’ve learned the power of vulnerability and connecting with others. Social anxiety may still be a part of my story, but it no longer defines who I am.
So, if you’re struggling with your anxieties, remember that you have the strength within you to share your journey, connect with others, and accept yourself. You are not alone in this. Find something that brings you joy, surround yourself with people who make you feel safe, and take your time. The rest will fall into place naturally.
